The first step in becoming less of a pushover is establishing boundaries. Passive men typically have no boundaries and allow others to walk all over them. Your N. Ts are, take some time to figure it out. Take responsibility for your own problems. Nice Guys wait around for someone else to fix their problems. If you see something that needs changing in your life, take action. Nice Guys expect others to recognize what they need and want without having to say a word. If you want something, say it; if something bothers you, speak up.
Never assume that people know your every need or want. Let them decide whether to be upset or offended. But part of being assertive is taking responsibility for those consequences, come what may. Dealing with those consequences is far better than dealing with those of living an anxious, thwarted life.
Assertiveness takes time. Just be persistent with your efforts; it will pay off. Start small. If the thought of standing up for yourself makes you downright nauseous, start with low-risk situations. For example, if you order a burger, and the waiter brings you a grilled cheese, let him know the mistake and send it back. Say no.
Start saying no more often. Does a request conflict with a personal boundary? Schedule already full? At first, saying no may make you very anxious, but eventually it will come to feel good, and actually quite freeing. Will some people be disappointed when you turn them down?
No need to feel guilty for treating yourself like their equal. Be simple and direct. Keep your requests and preferences simple and direct.
Just politely say your piece. You have no idea how hard my day at the office was. Why would you ask me to do all these chores? That will just make them defensive and cause them to shut down. Just politely ask for it and wait to see how the other person responds. Use confident body language and tone. Stand up straight, lean in a bit, smile or keep a neutral facial expression, and look the person in the eye.
Also be sure to speak clearly and loudly enough to make your point. Passive folks will tend to whisper and mumble when making their opinions or needs known; that will only serve to frustrate the other person. They want to make sure that everyone is okay with their choices — essentially asking for permission to live their life the way they want. Play out the scenario in which you plan to assert yourself. It helps. Be persistent. At least I tried. Remain cool, calm, and collected during this process. Or if you get bumped off a flight, keep asking about other options, like getting transferred to another airline, so you can make it to your destination on time.
Be wary of the advice you find in some books on assertiveness that suggest you keep asking the same thing over and over and over again until the person relents and gives you what you want. Stay cool. Either give a constructive response or decide not to engage with the person any further. Pick your battles. A common mistake many people make who are on the path to being more assertive is to try to be assertive all the time. Assertiveness is situational and contextual. Just remember that while the short-term kerfuffles that come with being assertive may be annoying and awkward, you and those around you will be better off in the long-run.
At times, you certainly do need to suck up your feelings and just do it. However, learning to voice your opinions, and more importantly, respect the validity of those opinions and wants, will serve to make you a more confident man. The result of an assertive action may be getting exactly what you want, or a compromise, or a rejection, but regardless of the outcome, it will lead to you feeling more in control of your life.
Details if other :. Thanks for telling us about the problem. Return to Book Page. Preview — Being Assertive by David Tuffley. Assertiveness is a zone on the spectrum of human behaviour that lies between Passivity and Aggression. This book shows you how to find that zone, that sweet-spot; not always an easy thing to do. Being Assertive is fundamentally about rights; yours and those of others and finding a balance between them.
An aggressive person violates the rights of others, while the passive Assertiveness is a zone on the spectrum of human behaviour that lies between Passivity and Aggression. An aggressive person violates the rights of others, while the passive person violates their own.
The assertive person finds a win-win way to balance these sometimes competing interests. Learning to live in the zone of assertiveness has many benefits; your self-esteem will improve, the quality of your relationships with others will improve and deepen. Being aggressive, like using verbal or physical threats, may get people what they want in the short term, but their relationships will inevitably suffer.
Being passive is also destructive of relationships and long-term happiness because your own needs are being ignored for the sake of getting along with others.
Being assertive is where the sweet spot is. These are just some of the benefits. Get A Copy. Kindle Edition , 48 pages.
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Editorial Reviews. About the Author. David Tuffley PhD is an academic at Griffith University in Being Assertive: Finding the Sweet-Spot between Passive & Aggressive - Kindle edition by David Tuffley. Download it once and read it on your. Being Assertive: Finding the Sweet-Spot between Passive & Aggressive [David Tuffley] on raddnutrnosulco.gq *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Assertiveness is a .